The Ring Two (2005)

After the relative disappointment that was Ringu 2, I was not looking forward to this American attempt at a sequel to Ringu. The Ring Two is technically not a remake of its Japanese sequel but that hardly matters when the story ends up going in such a similar direction. So, how does it stack up to either the original or the earlier attempts at continuing the story? Well, without giving too much away, I'll just do the internet clickbait thing and say: "The results may shock you!"

But wait! I can't talk about The Ring Two yet! I forgot all about the short film Rings that's intended as a stop-gap between it and The Ring, that's usually included as a bonus feature on just about every release of the latter. Crap, let me start over.

Rings, released ahead of The Ring Two, is a short film cum teaser trailer that remains something of a fan favorite amongst aficionados of this franchise. I've seen more than a few of them gushing about it on forums, fan pages, and TV Tropes, of all places. "It's unique and original," they told me. "It takes the cursed videotape concept further than ever before, advancing the franchise while still delivering the hits." 

Except that's all BS and this short blows. Blows, I tell you. The concept that's apparently so great didn't seem so to me. More like very simple and very dumb: in the future, teenagers are now using and abusing Samara's tape like a sort of cross between a cool new 'game' and a hot new drug. You know, classic teenage stuff, as written by forty-year-olds. Kids watch the deadly tape with the intention to be thrilled by the brush with death, only to then pass it off to a 'sponsor' of sorts, who then has their own sponsor, thus ensuring the cycle can continue... It's stupid. Since when does getting close to the final day break down the barrier between past and present, living and dead? And how are we expected to believe that that would somehow give one a high in any way besides "I'm scared I might die?" It's written as though by someone with no concept of why teenagers and adults for that matter like to drink beer and smoke weed under their parents' noses. And besides, couldn't you get the same thrill from, say, playing chicken with a train? Well, I guess not, because this is set in an urban environment, but you know what I mean. It's hardly a winning concept to base even a short film around.

And then there's the construction of the thing, which is quite poor. This actually feels like a parody of a Gore Verbinski film. Like they pulled some indie music video director off the street and showed him The Ring and said "Get it done." An insanely, absurdly quick pace and the cheapest, most claustrophobic visuals around combine with truly awful CG to create something that I genuinely hated every second of. The 'true' sequel to The Ring this is not, no matter what some clown on the internet might say. This isn't clever, this definitely isn't scary (ever wanted to watch some idiot teen have a physical brawl with Samara and survive?) and I definitely don't recommend anyone besides those who already own it to ever bother with it. Hell, even those who already own it might be advised to skip it unless they really just have to see it for some reason. The idea that it fills in some crucial gap in the story is a lie as well. Everything that bleeds into The Ring Two works better on its own in that film than here. 

In fact, one thing that bothered me at the start of The Ring Two was entirely the fault of this marketing gimmick. Rings portrays a world in which Samara's tape has been around for a while and is worming its way through the teenage populace slowly but surely, yet at the start of the 'proper' sequel that it was essentially teasing, the death of one random teenage character is enough to spark new nationwide interest in the curse, from amateur sleuths to journos and even police detectives, the game is afoot once more! Only, it already was and had been in order for the premise of Rings to work, right? I don't know. Just skip it and let's move on.

By contrast, regarding The Ring Two, I have to say that as pure entertainment, this film isn't half bad. It's not very intelligent, and certainly not subtle or detail-oriented, but at least I wasn't feeling sleepy by the end as I did when watching Ringu 2. The story, while not great, is probably the strongest aspect: Rachel and Aidan have now relocated to a new place and taken on a whole new life in an effort to forget all about their brush with Samara as detailed in the original film (and the fact that both of them are likely guilty of murder by proxy at this point.) But of course, the past won't die quite so easily, and it isn't long before her presence can be felt again. Without spoiling TOO much, let's just say that this time around, Samara has a new approach, and it's both unusually hands-on and laser-focused on the Kellers. 

Let's start with the positives. I like the way this film continues the adult horror of the first film by emphasizing the way doctors, psychiatrists and others looks at Rachel, a single mother, when she brings her child in and he's covered in bruises and is freezing cold. I like that the arc words of this film are "Listen to your baby," as that was exactly what Rachel didn't do in the original when it could have saved a lot of trouble and at least one life. I like that this film plays with Samara's backstory so that, by the end, it resembles the Japanese films much more closely, implying that she may be the child of either a Deep One or possibly the god of the sea himself, Poseidon. And most importantly, I like the final act of the film, where Samara is basically walking around undetected, personally killing any number of unlikeable characters in strange ways. I'm not proud to admit that, but hey, it's better than whatever the hell Ringu 2 thought it was doing in its final stretch.

But for every positive this film has, there are any number of pulsating caveats to consider. The pacing is pokey and the first two acts feel meandering to the point that I was almost ready to call this one of the worst films I'd ever seen. Talk about spinning your wheels. When our characters decided, out of the blue, to go to a local farmer's market and walk around for a while, the scales fell from my eyes and I realized that the filmmakers and screenwriters behind The Ring Two had no idea what they were doing, which is especially shocking because this was directed by none other than Hideo Nakata?! Didn't he direct Ringu 2 as well? Christ, you'd think he'd be better at this by now, but no. I mean, he didn't write the screenplay, but for a while, everything that was good about both Ringu and its first 'original' sequel seemed to be completely missing from the picture. 

But the lack of direction pales in comparison to the decision to have Samara, a presence usually felt more than seen, jump right out at us from an impossibly small space, grab Rachel, and spazz out for a bit before disappearing as quickly as she came, all in the first fifteen minutes or so of the film. And this isn't proceeded by watching any tape or becoming involved in a new conspiracy: it just happens. This isn't how Samara operates, dammit! There are rules. Even Spiral knew that, and while it may have rewrote and recontextualized most of them throughout its runtime, it at least had its own internal logic. And besides, all the tension the film had built up until then just fell away for good after that absurdly startling and nonsensical scene. This goes along with a scene later in the film of Rachel having a brawl with Samara, where she punches and kicks the monstrous girl in the face, before dislodging a rockslide that falls down onto her. It's like a Looney Toons cartoon, and by the end, Samara has lost every bit of her ability to frighten in these films.

The most bizarre part is its blatant lack of originality on every front. The film, while different in its specifics, comes to a similar conclusion as Ringu 2: Samara gets back into the game by covertly possessing Aidan so that she can live again and so that she gets to have Rachel as a mommy. But wait, that's even more similar to Dark Water, a J-horror film directed by Hideo Naka... hey, wait just a coinflipping minute! What year did that film come out? 2005?! Holy shit, talk about self-plagiarism. Two films, both from 2005, both directed by Hideo Nakata, and both featuring a plot where a ghostly little girl attempts to possess a child that moves into its space so that it can experience what it's like to have a loving mother. Not to mention a shared fixation on water filling up or pouring out of things. Wow. And that reminds me, have we forgotten here that Samara had loving parents in the original and yet still tormented them day in, day out? I get that you want her to have depth, but there's only so much a sequel can do in this vein without outright contradicting the original film. She doesn't just want to be loved: she wants to be free to wreak havoc and play with her human toys as often as she likes, anywhere she likes. She's a monster, not a misunderstood little girl. Remember? That was the twist in the first film. Anybody?

The worst part of The Ring Two, though, is its presentation and technical aspects. Weird and whacky editing, a particularly plain score from Hans Zimmer, and uneven performances make it hard to enjoy, even when things pick up towards the end. The visuals are just plain tacky even at the best of times, and the effects... Oh god. You think CG water flying through the air looks bad, do ya? Well, how about a CG Samara in her 'Poseidon' form? Do you remember thinking that Samara's victims in the original looked dumb? Well, I assure you they look far worse here. And then there's the deer attack scene... Coincidentally, Gore Verbinski's later return to horror, A Cure for Wellness, actually had a similar scene involving CG deer nearly a decade after this, and you know what? It barely looked any better, but that's CGI for you. Remember kids, it ain't worth it!

So yeah, this film is a mess. Preferable to Ringu 2 in terms of pure entertainment, it also pales in comparison to the intelligence and subtlety with which that film was made, ditto the original Ringu. It could have been worse, sure, but why make excuses for it? It's bad. I'm glad it wasn't actually painful to sit through, and I'm glad Hideo Nakata and Noami Watts (and Gary Cole) made a paycheck, but otherwise, just don't bother with any of these Ring sequels. They don't have anywhere near the imagination that the written sequels do. Unless you're some kind of franchise completionist, like me, you'd do well to forget that any of these sequels ever existed and just rewatch the originals next time you feel the urge to revisit this series.