Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 has been a very divisive film since its release a suspiciously short time after its very successful and very intelligent predecessor. First, you have the camp who hated the first film, and thus have no taste in horror films, that claim this one is better in every way. Then you have those who appreciate that this film tried to do its own thing and thus, armed with excuses about studio interference, claim this film is a misunderstood masterpiece on the basis of that premise alone. And then you have most everyone else, who tend to view the film as a complete trash fire; something to watch with friends over beers and laugh at. Well, having just sat down and watched it myself, I'm here to give you the final word on this debate. 

Ignoring any and all subtext, Blair Witch 2's premise isn't exactly earth-shattering: an opportunist from the Maryland area takes a group of hardcore fans of the first Blair Witch up to the same places the original doomed film crew visited, armed with their own cameras and research. And wouldn't you know it, it isn't long before their cameras have been smashed, their research has been shredded beyond legibility, and one of their number begins to act very strangely, as if possessed by something. If this doesn't sound terribly original or exciting, it is worth noting that the angle that they come at this familiar imagery and storytelling with makes it special: this is a film about a film. A metatextual examination of not only the film itself but its impact on society at large and, at least early on, the residents of the real-life Burkittsville. How neat, right?

Yes, this film should be applauded for trying something different, at the very least. Claiming itself to be a 'dramatic reenactment' of events that occurred after the release of the original film, this is not unlike the second half of Cervante's Don Quixote: a new story formed from the ashes of the old, responding to reader's reactions to the first story and using that forge a new path for the sequel. I mean, it is in theory. And while we're comparing this nu-metal horror film made to sell to idiot teenagers to classic literature, let's go ahead and throw Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House into the conversation: we get a bunch of paranormal enthusiasts visiting a haunted location, and it's left up in the air as to whether or not the events that occur are the result of the supernatural or simple human psychology. Sounds awesome, right? Well, hold up there, cowboy, cause I still ain't done yet.

Let's hear one final round of applause for everything the film tried to do, because none of it matters when the results of all that effort are this utterly wretched. I mean, where do you even start with this monumental misfire? How about the unlikeable, unbelievable characters that couldn't be anymore archetypal and basic? How about the unintentional hilarity that often comes along during the worst possible moments, ruining even its few potentially disturbing scenes? How about the wide variety of horror tropes tossed in together with no regard for whether any of it complements the others? Seriously, you've got body horror, occult ritual and sacrifice, possession by long-dead evil, 'humans are the real monsters'-style group disintegration, and more than a few hints of braindead teen slashers considering the first half hour of the film is nothing but drinking beer and smoking weed while Nickelback serenades us from the back of the mix. And listen, I love disorientation in movies, especially horror films. I like being put in a character's head, especially when they're losing it. But my god, there's a limit, you know? I found myself constantly asking the question "What is happening?!" again and again as the lines between reality and daytime hallucination began to blur very abruptly in the second act.

Fans of the film blame the studio, and they certainly had a hand in making this one of the worst sequels ever. Apparently, they took over the final edit, added all the licensed music themselves, and even reshot an ambiguous amount of the film to add in blood, gore, and more 'traditional' horror elements. So there really is no telling, without listening to the director's commentary (I opted to watch in HD on Amazon for this particular title, so I couldn't) how much of this is exactly whose fault, but I'm sure it's somewhere in the middle and so I think the blame ought to be shared equally among everyone who had their grubby little paws in this mess.

You see, Joe Berlinger's vision for the film, while unique and conceived with no small amount of artistic conviction, is just bad. You almost can't blame the studio for their frustration with what he came up with: they hired this guy for his documentary credentials, not realizing that he had a beef with the original film pretending to be a real documentary. Berlinger thought the idea of doing such a thing was unethical, so guess what the studio got instead of another found footage film? A traditional slasher film about how The Blair Witch Project contributed to a blurring of the lines between fact and fiction that if left unchecked, Berlinger believed, could end up driving fans to hysterical violence. This coming from the dude who made all those documentaries about the West Memphis Three, three boys believed by the general public to have murdered their friend in an 'occult sacrifice' inspired, supposedly, by heavy metal and horror films, despite mounting evidence that they were scapegoated due to their appearances and interests. So while Metallica won't inspire you to kill your friends, apparently The Blair Witch Project just might make you black out, smear yourself with oil, and start stabbing. All thanks to its marketing campaign claiming (facetiously) that the film was an actual snuff film. Nice, huh?

If I try and be charitable, I guess it's kind of like that Ti West film The House of the Devil. It turns out society is right and movies really do make people kill, just as how society was right in that film and Satanic ritual abuse was actually happening in plain sight everywhere. Those crazy bastards were right and we just wouldn't listen! I guess it's also more than a little similar to The Scary of Sixty-First in that sense as well. But having read the director's own words on the film and what he was trying to do, it just seems like he had this bizarre, alarmist nitpick with the first film and was trying to teach us fans of it a lesson in some misguided way, and as I a result, I can't help but hate it. And besides, with all the man had to say, only the very beginning and the very end really contribute to those themes: everything else is rote horror filler to get us from one scene to the next.

The film makes a mess of a narrative, but its technical aspects are still its most unambiguously atrocious. It's a clear example of that particular brand of late '90s, early '00s-style horror film that were all loud, frenzied, and full of then-famous people and then-famous pop music. The editing, whether studio mandated or not, is far too busy at the strangest of times, usually whenever music is present, and the visuals feel more inspired by music videos than film. At least when it doesn't just look like a Lifetime TV movie of the week. Similarly, the acting is extremely uneven, so that for every moment you think to yourself that's it's at least competent, there are plenty more where you can't help but cringe and shrink away from it. At least that cop is having fun and killing it. But otherwise, you've got laughable special effects, an AWFUL licensed soundtrack (one of the worst I've ever heard,) and bizarre hair, makeup, and costuming that makes the goth character look absurd when she's walking around in the woods. Needless to say, if the story doesn't do it for you, don't hold out hope that any of the rest will either.

Turn of the Screw by way of Brian Yuzna once he gave up on making quality films, this is one of the worst films I've ever seen. I went in with extremely low expectations, willing to give it the chance that no one else seemed to in the day, and boy did I end up feeling silly. Just like the heroes of this god-awful film needed to listen to those that came before them and stay out of the damn woods, readers out there with any sort of curiosity about this film are advised to give it a wide berth and tune out whenever one of its fans try and spin it as a misunderstood gem. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 is that rare experiment that makes one almost wish for more studio interference. And what the hell is up with that title? Does it not seem like the whole thing is backwards?